I Miss The Madness

Joker1

I was talking to a girlfriend about my choice of semi-goth attire for our most recent night out. Granted, some 15 years ago my chunky black boots, black eye liner and red lipstick were all part of my go-to gear for a night out listening to bands, but it’s a style I haven’t worn in a really long time.

I tried to explain to her that I was just trying it out, sort of tapping back into my expressive side. I was feeling particularly grungy and playful so I guess i felt like playing “dress up”. Plus, I was listening to Alice In Chains as I got dressed. But as I joked and teased about my little black vest I said “I’ve been toeing the line for so many months now that I miss madness a little.” I too was surprised by the statement and my widening eyes mirrored my friend’s as i realized how true it was. I don’t miss the recklessness but I do miss the freedom of abandon. Of feeling silly and youthful and comfortable enough with myself to play.

“Why so serious?”

Being sober is such a ‘serious’ thing that I’ve been straight spined with my clothes fixed just so and my toes to the line. Maybe it was what I needed to put my life in order and build stability amidst the chaos my life had become.

Maybe I’m on the flipside now. With so much sanity lately, maybe I need a little madness. I need little reminders of all the passion, creativity and fun life has to offer. Striking a balance is important after all.

“Madness can be a medicine for the modern world. You take it in moderation, it’s beneficial.” ~ Hannibal

Perhaps.

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5 comments

  1. I know exactly what you mean. ‘The freedom of abandon.’ Yes. I guess it’s about learning what new freedoms a sober life brings and getting creative with that. X

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