The Lowest Point

tumblr_inline_myyi9xdqSf1r1am60

Aang: When we hit our lowest point we are open to the greatest change. 

I’ve found that on our soberversaries it’s customary for us to talk about “The night that changed it all”. My first soberversary was on February 3rd of this year but I wasn’t ready to talk about the night that was a turning point for me. I’m still not but I can talk about what was my lowest point. I was a binge drinker. Which means that I didn’t drink every day, or got drunk every time I drank, but I had problems with limits. Oh and most importantly, I used alcohol as a means of escape instead of dealing with life. Long story short, all binge drinkers can and will become alcoholics at some point. By the time I reached my low point I was drinking at least three times for the week and getting drunk about four times for the month. Once or twice a year I’d get drunk enough to have to rely on loved ones to drive me home. The last night was one of those nights. I’m not ready to talk about the details but I will say that my sister was there that night.

The next day when I called her to “find out what happened” the night before, she was calm, collected, and did not mince words. She is a highly practical and straightforward person and there was no emotion expressed as she narrated the events of the night before. Her tone of voice was one of resignation and acceptance. She said that she was not angry with me, but had decided that she would be better off if she removed herself from my life. THAT hit me very hard.

I know I did not quit drinking for my sister but her actions that day forced me to look at the kind of person I was. Who I knew myself to be deep down inside was not the person on the outside. The Me on the outside was drowning in alcohol related side effects and becoming someone who had no understanding of herself and honestly did not like herself very much. I ran from my issues, numbed them with alcohol, squashed any chance of healing or growing, and lashed out at loved ones, especially those closest to me. Like my sister. The fact that I could hurt her so much that she would consider removing herself from my life shook me to my core. It was my worst day.

And, in the end, it was also my best day. It was the day I changed my life.

Love and light, Phoenix.

~*~

This is Post L, in the A to Z Blogging Challenge 2015. My 26 posts are inspired by the quotes from Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra, two Emmy award-winning animated television series created and produced by Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko. The setting for both series is in an Asian-influenced world of martial arts and elemental manipulation. The shows drew on elements from East Asian, South Asian, and Western culture, and (aside from the kick-ass story lines, beautifully developed characters and exceptional storyboards) are where I found a wealth of inspiration and perspective on my own life.

The rest of my A to Z 2015 posts can be found here.

Advertisements

13 comments

  1. You should be so proud of making the connection and getting your life turned around. I’ve known addicts who could never reach that place and it breaks your heart to see them lose themselves to the alcohol or drugs. It is one of the hardest thing to do.

    1. Thank you Elizabeth. 🙂 Making the decision is a difficult one and acting on that decision is even harder, even when we know it is the best thing to do for ourselves. I wish your friends love and self awareness on their journeys.

  2. I was a binge drinker too. And you are right, eventually it became a problem. Booze works well to escape from life, until it starts to consume you.
    I don’t have a single episode. And I drank for far longer than I wanted to. I just couldn’t quite understand how I got where I was. I thought I should be able to fix it.
    And I have. I never want to have to call a friend to see what I did the night before again.

    Beautiful writing. I hope your sister knows how important she is to you.

    Anne

    1. Thank you Anne. Your understanding means a lot. Yes, I think sister knows. I should tell her more often though. 🙂

  3. I had a friend with a very similar story. She turned her life around at a rock bottom pivotal moment, too. We all wished she’d done so a lot sooner because we missed her in our lives.

    1. I am glad your friend turned it around in the end. Everyone’s journey is different and many many different factors determine the rate of recovery. I am sure your support is appreciated and your friend knows that you care.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s