Creating Cracks for the Bad Stuff to Seep In

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“Sometimes I think when you get high, or when you drink – when you alter your consciousness – it weakens your psyche…it creates cracks and then bad stuff can seep into those cracks and maybe never go away.” *
I came across this quote on my computer a few nights ago. Apparently I’d saved it backed in 2009 having deemed it important. I have tons of such quotes and images related to drinking, habits, believing in yourself and getting over the past.
My sister once spoke to me about soul mates. She once read that when you accept a relationship with someone you know in your heart is not for you, you push your soul mate away, in fact you actually cause your soul mate pain.
I’m not sure I believe in the existence of one soul mate, (I think we have many), but I do understand what the author meant. When we accept for ourselves that which we know does not help us, we block the path to our true selves.
Maybe getting drunk is like that. We allow ourselves to do these things that we know deep down are not good for us. We accept behaviour that we know does not help us, thereby blocking the path to our true selves, which are inherently strong, powerful and can accomplish anything. If we allow it.
When we drink despite knowing that we shouldn’t, we weaken our psyche and then the bad (fear, judgement, self-deprecation) seeps in to let the beast out to run pell mell all over our lives.
I know I’ve been much stronger since I’ve stopped. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel fear, or throw the hate / pity parties anymore. I just know that without the alcohol, I’m better equipped to deal with the bad and to have some perspective.
*Quote from the film, Sunshine Cleaning.
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6 comments

  1. Ah, yes. The cracks that alcohol leaves behind. I’m working on filling those gaps with good things these days but I remember how alcohol induced anxiety nearly wrecked my life by opening up the door to self loathing and hate. I don’t miss those days for one second.

    Your post are always so relevant to my current thought process. I’m thankful to have “met” you!

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