“I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go.”

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“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

— Daniell Koepke

This works both ways. It IS all right for those you have hurt to let YOU go as well. Those of us in recovery are well aware of the drama, confusion and pain we have dished out to our friends and loved ones. It IS ok for them to step back or write us off if they need too. Being in recovery and finally getting our acts together does not entitle us to automatic support and understanding from anyone. And that’s ok. It is OUR journey after all.

Even though we may have good intentions we have to understand that each person should make their own wellbeing a priority and if doing that means they have to let you go, so be it. Support and encouragement can be found among others who are going through what you are. It is the best place to look. And don’t worry, life is an ever evolving journey and connections will be made, broken and renewed, time and time again.

Phoenix

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5 comments

  1. I LOVE this post. Thank you for your insights in this area. Right on!!! I’ve been letting go and distancing certain relationships since I quit drinking, but until recently I was too self centered to realize people might want to get clear of me! Haha.
    I’ve been thinking a lot about a dear friend who let me go for a few years. He gave me so much support but I know now that I was an energy vampire for him. It’s good to allow the ebb and flow of friends and loved ones instead of fighting to keep everyone close. ~OTS

    1. A couple of years ago, I was woefully telling a dear friend that I found myself withdrawing from a group of friends I’d known for a long time. It made me feel sad, misunderstood and disconnected. My friend gave me some good advice: He said:

      “You’re just having a moment. You’re pulling in because you’re filling up with you. You are learning (sometimes by force) that you are all you really need and you have to be the one there for you first and you are changing your life. Once you reach there [where you need to go] it’ll all flood back out and reconnect to the people and things you choose because you want and don’t need anything. The loneliness is part of becoming self-reliant and that’s ok.”

      Pretty smart, that one. 🙂

  2. I’m not sure how I missed this post, but thank you for pointing it out to me! And for the insight in both the post and your comments. My heart is a bit broken right now, but I think this person was there when I really needed the support last year. I guess now…onto find my own footing.

    1. Yes, and you will. It is good that you had someone who was there for you when you needed them, but sometimes we are meant to stand on our own or even to connect with others who will help us stay upright. Hugs for your heart. It will mend.

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