People don’t talk about Alcoholism. At least most people I know. Like them, I did not understand what it really is.
Being an “alcoholic” was long (and for some still is) thought to be a moral failing — a character flaw or lack of willpower. Joseph Nowinski, Ph.D
Alcoholism is a substance-use disorder in which the sufferer has problems managing how much alcohol they drink and their lives as a result. While there is always room for moral decisions, an alcoholic’s body reacts to alcoholic much like it would to a substance or chemical it is allergic to. It is a definitive and progressive chain of reactions which occur.
The Truth about my drinking:
I never drank every day. I drank as frequently as several days per week and as infrequently as once per month. Usually when I hung out with friends: after work at our regular watering holes, at clubs, at parties, at barbecues, at exhibitions, family events. Sometimes I would have one or two drinks and other times I’d have several. Sometimes I’d have only wine or I would consume different types of alcohol if I felt like it. Usually I’d go home tipsy, or a little more than tipsy. I’d say that once a month I’d drive home drunk enough to not remember driving home. Once every few months I’d binge drink and not remember hours of the night before. Every year or so I’d have a major episode where I would become a holy terror: Lashing out at friends, crying, screaming, rebelling, embarrassing loved ones and making a grand nuisance of myself. It is a wonder that so many people still love me.
What happens to me when I drink:
That feeling of euphoria I get when the first drink enters my blood stream is one that I cannot explain. I love it. I love the numbness, the high, the rush. My mind knows that that feeling will never be matched but my body says I need one more anyway. My body begins to crave another and another. Depending on my emotional and spiritual state either my mind or my body will win that night.
The Truth about Me:
I am always going to be one drink away from being drunk. I have to accept that this is my reality. I can make as many deals with myself to just have one drink when I go out, or stop all alcohol by a designated time that night, but the truth will always be that I am one drink away from being drunk.